on 4 January 2024
Dear all at IPC,
Last month, my parents celebrated 60 years of marriage. It was a memorable day as my three siblings and our families all met up for a meal to celebrate my parents’ marriage. There were four generations present and I came away overwhelmingly thankful for how God has used my mum and dad.
Both my parents come from non-Christian homes. My mother was converted as a teenager in Swansea through a friend inviting her to a Sunday service at the church at which my brother is now the minister. During the 1950s there was a remarkable work of God with hundreds being converted there. She was taken in by the minister and the church family. My father was in his teens in London going to a youth group, mainly for the games. A female missionary who was on her way to Korea came and spoke to the group, and it was through her talk that my dad was converted.
For a time, my mother’s siblings showed an interest but sadly never trusted Christ. My father’s family were convinced “you’ll grow out of it”. They were the only ones in their families to believe and knew something of the loneliness of that. The Lord broke into my family and started a dynasty. I’ve had the enormous privilege of growing up in a family where both my parents and all my siblings have trusted Christ and served in His church. The generation that has come after us are nearly all believing.
When I think of my parents there are a number of things that stand out. My dad worked in industry when I was growing up, and I can never remember a time when he wasn’t reading his bible when I got up for school. There was a devotion to God’s word. If biblical manhood is taking authority and responsibility, my father did that: he did it imperfectly, but there was never any doubt that he took his responsibility before God seriously. The Lord has helped my mum to be a pray-er. My brother said to us all at the Diamond celebration, that for all the children and grandchildren, there has never been a day when my mother hasn’t prayed for us. She uses lists and works through them, and she’s methodical in it. Tragically, I’ve said to people ‘I’ll pray for you’ and I’ve not followed through. My mother, by God’s grace and discipline, hasn’t done that: she says she’ll pray, and she does.
We grew up in a home that loved church and was devoted to it with all its joys and sorrows. Sundays were the best days. There were folk in our home and we were often in other homes. There were other singles and families who loved us as kids and teenagers, took an interest in us, prayed for us, challenged us, taught us. Because Sunday was the Lord’s Day and my parents obviously relished it, there was never an issue that there were things we didn’t do on Sundays. You didn’t feel you were missing out because you knew the Lord’s ways were the best way. There was an acknowledgement that church wasn’t perfect by any means, but grumbling and moaning was never allowed.
There was a constant stream of people going through our home. I still meet folk who were students in the 60s, 70s and 80s and who were round for meals on Sundays and during the week. My brother was on a train a few years ago and met a missionary from Brazil. The man recognised my brother and told him, “Your father supported me financially through theological college, and without that support I wouldn’t have been able to carry on. Your mother doesn’t know that he supported me.” It was a wonderful insight into the generosity of my dad.
God granted to my parents great health, and they used that gift for his church. My dad has been a strong man but that strength has been used for the good of others. There was an issue that arose in our church which took real bravery from dad and a couple of other men to address. They came under huge criticism from within the church and particularly from outside the church and yet as time went on they were proved to be right. There was a willingness to stand and do the right thing regardless of the consequences because God was God, and acting rightly before Him mattered more than being popular.
Mam and Dad’s world has shrunk in the last couple of years as old age has caught up with them. They are not able to get out and serve others in the way they always have. That has been a struggle for them to get used to. Instead of serving others they’ve had to get used to being served, which is difficult. If any of us live long enough we’ll get to the stage where we’re able to do less, the phone won’t ring as much, we won’t be needed like we were. The gospel of the Lord Jesus wonderfully tells us that our worth is not bound up with what we do, and how much we achieve, but with what Christ has done. Our identity and security is in Him.
My parents are not perfect by any means, they have faults and regrets. I could probably write a few letters on those and they could write a book on mine. They are sinners like the rest of us. My father’s fuse wasn’t (and isn’t) the longest, he doesn’t suffer fools gladly, and sometimes that can feel harsh. Some of those faults I think are because they were first generation Christians, they haven’t had the privilege I have had.
At the risk of this letter being nostalgic and indulgent, here are some lessons for us:
- Long, faithful, loving relationships – whether friendships or marriages – are a huge blessing from the Lord and something to be celebrated.
- The Christian life is lived best when giving yourself away to others, using the resources that God has given you for others.
- Strong friendships in church life yield huge blessings to the next generation.
- Strength and health is to be used for the good of others.
- A generous giving, serving Christian life needs to be built on the bedrock of God’s Word and prayer.
- Love Christ and his Church and be generous.
I hope that I, and we as a church, would be characterised by some of the faithfulness and fruitfulness of my parents,
Your Minister and Friend,
Paul